always up to read, listen or think on something new. if you'd like to send your work, gmail: bongbard1309

Jan 18, 2012

learning the lay low.

we could only pick from packaged food for breakfast or lunch. cheddar combos, bear claws, carrot cake squares so sweet we would get pins in our back teeth up to our eye sockets. dinner time and mom would say 'one hot dog each and get lots of chili on top too' or 'don't get pizza slices they never fill you up and i don't want to hear you crying hungry later'. out with our greasy smells and thick colored waters we'd sit on the lot curb and mom would hand out napkins because we had holes in our heads always leaking. mom was always last but the quickest fed; she'd have the end of a twinkie or the last soggy nacho licking the last bit of cheese from the plastic tray. our scraps alone would satisfy, she chewed 'i have to keep my strength up'.

we could only watch her breathe while making no attempt to save her. it never mattered where she landed: corner of a step, under the kitchen table, head stop at the door stop. as long as she didn't move a muscle. as long as he was satisfied she wasn't coming back for more of the ol one two punch. we would lean our heads together quiet, fake unaware and wait. come to think of it he never gave us anything much except the odd visual of mom crumpled in various degrees of consciousness about our home. there are many ways to skin a cat, he'd say and demand we produce our completed homework. mom had moments of lights out. mom was never one to take rest for granted what with all the corners, floorboards, and ceiling fans insisting on violence.

eventually mom stopped asking for our laundry or our meal trash or our feelings. her tone was never solid so we weren't particularly surprised when she began whispering lies about the niceness of cops and faith in tides. 'you have to learn to fend for yourself' she began hissing in the moments she used to say, 'don't worry, i've got it'. we began to dream of finding tit for tat. we began to dream of finding unconditional hate. we didn't give a passing thought to knick knack caddies or perfect ramen presentation or books about darwin. we were stuck on tyranny, how obedience is feigned.  we never understood why the sun would always rise. we never understood that prayer was for knees and hands and heads bowed while love was just for the parts clothes could cover.  union of any sort was a struggle we could not occupy, not together. we could only grow so far beyond her until our growing stopped before him and we were meant to someway self suffice.


  1. Anonymous24/1/12 05:26

    brilliant. way to come out with both barrels blasting.

  2. Everything you do is everything we were waiting for, V.

    The state of the union
    is the dysfunction
    of the nation
    and we'd all better
    hide our heads
    under our beds
    if those godsent
    red necks
    the angry stay puft marshmallow man!

  3. This comment has been removed by the author.

    1. you two fellas, well, your comments made my day. tom - i tried to watch the sotu last night, didn't catch the whole thing but i was very happy to hear that america is still numero uno when it comes to smarts, money, power, ingenuity and judging by bo(eh)ner's orange scowl & obama's finely tuned swagger, narcissism!