the true story of noah - doug draime

Several thousand years after the flood,

Noah parked the ark in the New York

harbor, got off to get a chili dog

at Nathan's

on Coney Island, took a cruise on the

Staten Island Ferry, and won 40 thousand

dollars in Atlantic City at the crap table. His wife. his sons, and

his son’s wives were all still dead asleep

on the ark. Noah had drugged them with massive doses of 

Pamelor, Vicodin, and Effexor, so he could

get a little R&R, alone, without the

demands of domesticity. Everything was 

beginning to annoy and outrage him on the ark. The daily

rut of keeping all the animals fed

and clean, and all the shit mopped up

was a 24/7 job in itself; they had to do it in

in 8 hour shifts. The constant bickering between the women

was becoming unbearable. And, for the last

couple hundred years, his sons had developed

the bizarre habit of walking in on Noah and his wife, Mrs. Noah, when 

they were drunk and fucking, which had caused

his wife not to get drunk, and fuck 

him, she just shut him off. Noah stayed away

from the ark for several weeks, going from

party to party at nights,

and playing the stock market during the days.  He came back

to the ark a rich and satisfied man, only to be

appalled by the fact that no one had made the slightest  effort to clean

up the animal shit. He knew what had to be done, and

threw himself right into it. When he was finished, there

was not a hint, a spot,  a trace,  or a whisper of

creature doo-doo. One clean ark, he determined! Then he drugged

them all again, fucked his sleeping wife, rented a car and drove to 

Hollywood, where 

he is to this day contemplating that voice that

was booming from the sky thousands of years ago.

Doug Draime's most recent book is More Than The Alley, a full-length collection

from Interior Noise Press. Also available are two chaps: Los Angeles Terminal:

Poems 1971-1980 (Covert Press) and Rock 'n Roll Jizz (Propaganda Press).

Draime has been a presence in the literary 'underground' movement since the

late 1960's. He currently lives in the foothills of Oregon.